You're gonna need kleenex....SERIOUSLY, get the kleenex

I began my day this morning at 1am with Ethan. (He gets pretty bad nosebleeds, and this time of year is prime time for him.) Anyway, nosebleed 1am, tummy ache at 1:30am, said he doesn't think he should go to school around 2 am, back to the bathroom at 2:15 crying with tummy pains and works himself into such a tizzy that he breaks out in hives and nose blocks off. Benedryll at 2:30. Scratching and crying b/c he can't breathe through his nose. 3 am I'm nearly crying b/c I'm VERY tired and second guessing myself about the whole school thing. 3:30 E's feeling better and asking if he can get dressed for school. FINALLY at 4 am we both go to sleep. Up at 6:30 am -thanks to my responsible Jacey. Make 1st day pancakes and literally peel Ethan out of bed and place him, still asleep, in his chair. He eats with his eyes closed and then says, is today the day? He went from asleep to dressed in about 2 seconds! (Anxiety is a very real thing. Even when we say we're OK and excited about a change, sometimes we're not.) Anyway, they both had a great first day and can't wait to go back tomorrow.

When we got home my anxiety had caught up with me and I needed tummy acid medicine REALLY BAD. (I remained composed for the day- weepy, but no tears. Good for me.) I went to leave the house and Jasper kitty ran in. I picked him up, loved on him a little and put him in the garage. Well, I went to back up, thinking he was in the garage, and accidentally backed over him. He died instantly. I have never felt so bad about anything in my life. Needless to say, I fell apart. THANKFULLY NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS! The kids were playing in the pool and didn't know what had happened. Jason took care of the remains and had to tell me to get it together. (Which didn't happen.) Anyway, went to the drug store to get the now necessary antacid. Got home to my precious Jacey innocently playing and having somewhat of a perfect day. Through tears, I sat her down and told her about the accident. She teared up and I asked her if she could forgive me. She calmly took off her pink towel and wiped away my tears and said with a broken voice, "Mama, that happens with cars sometimes." She crawled up in my lap and cried and cried. We sat there and cried together and felt every bit of that horrible sadness. In that moment I wanted to give her ice cream, ponies, sports cars, boxes of kittens.............anything to make the pain stop, but we had to feel it. That stinks! I wish so much it hadn't happened. Jason told her we would get her another one. She said she didn't want to think about it. Then after a pause, she said, "well, I have always wanted a rabbit." You know, I didn't give her credit. I just knew she would be beyond angry with me. And even though it was an accident, I would have completely understood. Jacey said her heart hurts and I told her mine does too. Later she asked me if my heart was feeling better and I told her it was a little better and she said hers was too. We'll be fine. I am soooooooooo thankful if was not a child. I thought I knew where the cat was, but it happened so fast. Accidents are accidents. I hate that it happened. I'm so proud of how she handled herself and how she handled her mother! The hard part now is having to resist the urge to over compensate. There's a fine line between extra compassion and ice cream, ponies, sports cars, boxes of kittens..............

I'll post pictures tomorrow. Between the 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night and the stress of the day, I'm beat. Go hug your kids and tell them you love them.